thanks for your interest in _________ Journal! After carefully reviewing your submission we would like to thank you so so so so so so so so so so much for letting us have the opportunity to read it. It was honestly the best submission we have ever read in our entire goddamned lives. Whoa!
We were floored by your writing and had to talk about it all afternoon and into the evening in our little round table discussion thingy that we do, blah blah blah, you get the point.
However, after careful consideration, it was determined that your writing is TOO GOOD for our publication. It would destroy all the other writing around it that we routinely accept from the monkey hacks who suck qwerty dicks in Hell compared to you … so, we re gonna have to reject your submission.
Ughhhhhhhh … blows! We wanna put your submission in! Actually we want to run 20 back to back instances of your piece and call it the issue, but … that ain’t gonna happen.
Instead: we have these suggestions for what you can do with your piece.
- #1: Make it into a billboard and put it up EVERYWHERE so the world can see it.
- #2: make it into a country so that we can live there and be peaceful and happy.
- #3: shoot it into space so that it populates other worlds where other life forms can be happy too.Thanks! And best of luck!