Our New Standard Rejection Form

For Immediate Release:
Subject:
 
INCREDIBLY POSITIVE AND HUMBLED REJECTION FORM LETTER (version 7)
Attn: editors, here it is! Another rewrite on our standard form letter for use in response to submissions (rejections, dummies, not acceptances … haha) as per the new review cycle for 2013. Please use this one on all rejections of poetry, fiction and creative non-fiction! There will be a revised form letter for crappy articles that belong on Cracked.sincerely,
head editor!———————————————————————————————–
Hiya,

thanks for your interest in _________ Journal! After carefully reviewing your submission we would like to thank you so so so so so so so so so so much for letting us have the opportunity to read it. It was honestly the best submission we have ever read in our entire goddamned lives. Whoa!

We were floored by your writing and had to talk about it all afternoon and into the evening in our little round table discussion thingy that we do, blah blah blah, you get the point.

However, after careful consideration, it was determined that your writing is TOO GOOD for our publication. It would destroy all the other writing around it that we routinely accept from the monkey hacks who suck qwerty dicks in Hell compared to you … so, we re gonna have to reject your submission.

Ughhhhhhhh … blows! We wanna put your submission in! Actually we want to run 20 back to back instances of your piece and call it the issue, but … that ain’t gonna happen.

Instead: we have these suggestions for what you can do with your piece.

  • #1: Make it into a billboard and put it up EVERYWHERE so the world can see it.
  • #2: make it into a country so that we can live there and be peaceful and happy.
  • #3: shoot it into space so that it populates other worlds where other life forms can be happy too.Thanks! And best of luck!

    –The Editors

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6 Replies to “Our New Standard Rejection Form”

        1. I want us all to take our rejection letters out for a real romantic night of sexy dancing and sexy dinner and sexy car sex in the parking lot of an abandoned drive in movie theatre.

    1. yes, Qwerty dicks in Hell. I sent this rejection form out as a submission to a couple places, a few of them rather “Family friendly” can’t wait to get those rejections. I’ll post them here. Haha

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