1. Have an AVI, not an egg.
2. Tweet about pizza.
3. And coffee.
4. And doing jagger shots.
5. Say things like, “IF YOU CANT HANDEL ME AT MY WURST YOU DONT DESERE ME AT MY BEST!”
6. Add blurry photos of your dog
7. No dog? Steal blurry photos of other people’s dog.
8. Retweet Rob Zombie
9. Retweet people who post stuff like: “IF YOU CANT HANDEL ME AT MY WURST YOU DONT DESERE ME AT MY BEST!”
10. Add selfies of yourself in jail. Make sure to get the bars in the shot.
11. Tweet about weed.
12. Tweet about TV.
13. Don’t @ anyone. Especially me.
14. Include random typos in your tweets to keep people guessing.
15. Be sure to tweet in a lame, nostalgic, nationalistic way.
16. Add photos of slimy food.
17. Tweet about afternoon naps.
18. Tweet about how much you hate Mondays.
19. Traffic, that’s a big one too.
20. Complain about Facebook. Remember those east coast vs. west coast 90s rap wars? Complaining about FB on twitter will get you followed by Rob Zombie even.
Goodluck to you! Have a twitter story you’d like to share? Or a question about anything at all. Put it in the goddamn comment section down below.