Anbesol and Netflix

leave a voicemail on psychiatrist’s hotline
“finally dropping by to see you
I’ll bring an extra large pizza”
I’ve been on my way to see him
for 16.5 years

I stand my cardboard sign
against the broken washing machine

pour two shots of mezcal
drop in tumblr with ice, lime
tastes and smells like medicine
same goo they rubbed on my gums
when I screamed through sharp teeth
in a rainy summer house

our apartment
is in another state
we’ve moved the bed so we can lay like spoons
her in front, me in back
Netflix on the computer fills a dark room
dizzy light, strobed distraction
gun play noise
in a church

every night
I kill the computer

and in same room, now dark
lay same way, spinning
kissing neck, hair in teeth
slipping underwear to side
—ah, such kind of light
such better kind of noise

after, we’re sticky
and she says my mouth tastes like Anbesol

I say “yeah, yeah, that’s what it is.
Hey, got some news, I’m finally going next tuesday”
“to get cured on 72nd street”
“oh no! I hope not. don’t do that
don’t get cured on 72nd street. I like the way you are”

call the psychiatrist back while she’s in the bathroom washing up, whistling
psychiatrist answers on the third ring

I can hear his TV in the background
he’s watching the last episode of Game of Thrones
I’m ahead of him, I know what happens

“turns out I’m not coming to see you
but I’ll still drop the promised pizza off though”
“much love” he says, “extra anchovies”
“mos def”
“Bottle of Pepsi too”

my wife does a somersault into the room
a backflip onto the bed
she says, “Debbie at work died”
“Oh, I’m sorry, that sucks”
“we’re using her Netflix password” she says

our lives will change now too
our room will begin to spin
our milk teeth that once came in
may fall out while we dream

tomorrow I will beg on the street
for an HBO GO password
my card board sign says:
2 SEE”

if I fail, we can download what we need.


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