$1 Extra To Gaze Upon Alligator Boy

the salesman explains

how to walk across

broken glass

he says be kind

to your bus drivers

paint your house

what you’d call a normal color

keep your feet flat

your weight equally distributed

years ago, I dated a girl

who ate light bulbs

not all the time

just sometimes

she’d put a 120 watt in her teeth

and crunch down

her name was Laurie

one time she saw me swallow

a piece of sugar free gum

that’s as heroic

as I ever got

my neighbor

hammered a spike

into his skull

just the naval cavity though

after saying

‘hold my beer boy

now watch this’

he got a werewolf pregnant

one night

and the child walks

across the clothes line

strung between two

flourishing trees

apples falling

on the perfect


I have illustrated

various bodies

in exchange for

an electric dryer

two microwave ovens

lessons on how

to better



now here’s some additional tricks:

1.) chew slow and keep

a regulated diet

so the glass

slips through you fast

2)  if you have to borrow

any money, pay

it back quick

also gift a blueberry pie

3.) only use dull spikes

and toy hammers

kiss whoever you kiss

with minimal teeth

4.) try to be an electrically

beautiful individual


bad news:

the police

in this town

have a quota to meet

as per murdering



a freak

good news:

we are experts

at whipping

sharpened knives



cover of



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